Imposter Syndrome

This afternoon, I’m about to attend a meeting with my colleagues at CHE Senior Psychological Services. Quite honestly, I feel very much like an imposter.

After all, despite my multiple chronic conditions, I’m pretending to be well. You might say that hypochondriacs are pretending to be sick, but my personal situation is exactly the opposite.

Externally, I don’t think that I look terribly different from a room full of healthy clinicians. Internally, I feel anything but healthy. I’m experiencing multiple different types of symptoms this afternoon.

With the exception of seeing my supervisor, I’ll be meeting these clinicians for the very first time today. Therefore, I went out of my way to look as professional as possible in my appearance. I wore a new dress, and carefully styled my hair. As I always do, I applied cosmetics.

Taking these steps creates an artful illusion of health and well-being. It helps to largely camouflage the true extent of how I happen to be feeling, on any given day.

Thankfully, my position with this organization is only a part-time one. Other clinicians also are employed for this company on a part-time basis.

This makes is much easier than if the majority of the clinicians were full-time employees. I can afford the perenially awkward questions regarding what I happen to do for a living, after all.

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