Dual Identities

Today, I’m teaching my General Psychology class. There are only a couple of weeks remaining in this semester.

I have the very strong sense of possessing two distinct identities: a woman who externally looks relatively healthy, and a woman who internally has a drastically different perception of her relative, and wildly unstable, healthiness.

It’s a very long walk from the parking lot to my classroom. Only last week, I was literally gasping for air by the time I reached my classroom.

Today, I walked quite briskly to my classroom, and experienced absolutely no difficulty with breathing. What remarkably different perceptions I possess, on any given day, as a function of my health status.

I immensely enjoy days like today. They are also very bittersweet. They offer a brief glimpse into what I once actually possessed, although I didn’t even realize it at the time: good health.

I know full well that my internal demons are only temporarily at rest today. In three short weeks, I’ll be at the Cleveland Clinic, to obtain a second opinion regarding a tracheal re-section.

Today, however, I will simply luxuriate in breathing easily. It takes my breath away to do so.

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