Doubting Myself Tonight

This evening, I find that I am doubting the wisdom of thinking that I could return to working, on even a part-time basis. I am having multiple, intrusive symptoms, emanating from several different chronic conditions.

Honestly, what was I thinking? Inadequate financial resources have certainly been a major factor in deciding to go back to work. Regardless, I know that I am very seriously ill. Truly I am.

Regardless of how I look. Regardless of what others happen to observe during a brief, casual, and superficial interaction with me. Regardless of how well-educated, motivated, and driven that I am. I feel so terribly stuck right now. I crave having good health.

I want a body that won’t deeply betray my strong ambitions. I long for the stability that comes with being in good health, as opposed to the rollercoaster ride that is living with unpredictable forms of chronic illness.

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