Disappointed Again

Tonight, I feel very disappointed by my increased shortness of breath. My subglottic stenosis has recently worsened, yet again. You’d think that I would have adjusted to having this diagnosis by now, right?

After all, I’ve already had sixteen throat surgeries for this condition. Here’s the thing: after I receive a throat dilatation surgery, I feel basically normal, for a period of several months, until I don’t.

Consequently, it’s like I’m adjusting, over and over again, to having this condition. (This is not unlike having relapsing-remitting MS, where I enjoy relatively better periods of health, between episodes of increased symptoms).

Today, I struggled with severe shortness of breath, after simply taking a shower and getting dressed. Talk about a symptom that fully strips away your denial that something is very seriously wrong with your body!

Of course, I’m well aware that my subglottic stenosis is a chronic, highly recurrent condition. I fully know that, cognitively-speaking. Experientially, I almost forget about the degree of suffering that this condition actually imposes, while I’m experiencing a respite period.

I forget what it’s like to audibly gasp for air, for a period of several seconds, because I simply walk to the mailbox and back. That’s walking slowly, by the way, as opposed to rushing.

Actually, at this point, eight full months have elapsed since my last throat dilatation surgery. All things considered, this is reasonably good. (I remember only having a period of three months between dilatation surgeries, several years ago).

I am truly disappointed that my shortness of breath has returned. I know that I soon will be facing another horrifically painful throat surgery.

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