My subglottic stenosis is definitely worsening. I’m getting much more short of breath, with only minimal exertion. This afternoon, I needed to meet with an IT department employee, at the local college where I teach. I needed assistance with uploading material for my students. The location of his office was completely unknown to me. Thankfully, a very friendly college senior pointed it out to me. I wasn’t expecting to have to walk uphill.
I was literally gasping for air by the time I reached the building where his office is located. I sat on a nearby bench, trying not to get overly upset. After all, in less than two hours, my students would be expecting me to deliver a well-prepared lecture.
How am I ever going to do this, I thought? I kept thinking that I just need to be able to make it through class this afternoon. Immediately after, I thought about how unfair this mindset is to my students. They deserve to have a professor who is enthusiastic about teaching her class, not simply trying to make it through. I decided to make the class much more interactive this afternoon, since I knew that I was much too short of breath to lecture without a break.
I sincerely hoped that my students didn’t notice that I was becoming short of breath. I’m a pretty good actress at this point, after all. I’ve had countless examples of experiences where I had to act af if things were literally not falling apart within my very own body. This was certainly not my best performance, that’s for sure. Still, I made it through the entire class.